I’m trying to teach my granddaughter the fine art of “schtick.” She’s almost three and has a rich vocabulary and a great imagination. Of course, she’s uniquely gorgeous (my apologies to all the grandparents out there with average-looking grandchildren. The luck of the draw, you know?).
My wife and I are blessed to spend a lot of time with her, which helps her parents, who work from home. Early childhood experts could explain the learning theory behind my interactions with Lucy, but that might take away the novelty of my moments with this little human.
I’ll now gladly share my efforts to teach her to look at things askew. Her grandmother is in charge of teaching her practical skills. Not my expertise.
· When opening the back car door to unbuckle her from her car seat, I tell her, “Here we are, Betty. Time to get out.” As if it’s my first time using this gag, she tells me her name is “Lucy!”
· We talked about her upcoming birthday, and I asked her how old she thought I was. I saved her from the calculations she was sweating over and explained that I’d be 73 in July 2023. I told her that I was so old that when I was a little boy, I had a pet dinosaur that followed me everywhere. I would tie him up outside my school, and at recess, he would greet me with a “R-O-A-R!!” It was clear that she doubted me.
· Nothing is better than when she is distracted by something else in the room. I grab one of her tiny stuffed bears and stick it in my open shirt collar. Many minutes will pass before she looks at me, smiles, and points out that it’s her bear and wants him back. This also works well when trying to find her coat and knit hat that always winds up on my head.
· When we have lunch together, I’ll try to sip some milk from my glass but keep missing my mouth by a few inches. After a few attempts, she’ll help me steady my hand, so I finally connect with the glass. A similar activity can be done with a sandwich or a forkful of food that fails to enter my mouth properly.
· Used sugar packets from my tea can make good pirate eye patches that take time to be discovered.
· Lucy is momentarily obsessed with Peppa the Pig, and she likes it when I acknowledge that her name is actually “Peppa.” She insists that I make up a Peppa story, narrated by Grandpa Pig in a haughty British accent, accompanied by well-timed snorts.
· Until a few weeks ago, my wife was working from home but has now retired. Before that, Lucy would wander into my wife’s home office and want to have a book read to her by Grandma. I would run behind her, trying to get her back into the living room. “Grandma is working, Lucy. She can’t read to you right now!” After saying this for the billionth time, she put her hand out to me and told me, “Grandpa, go back into your living room and read a book to yourself.” My wife is now her preferred reader.
I’m waiting to see if Lucy’s brother, Michael (seven months old), picks up on these routines. He smiles and coos a lot but hasn’t got his timing down yet. I’m preparing for him by practicing Abbott & Costello’s impeccable routine, “Who’s On First?”
So glad you both have this time with your grandchildren, wish that we were closer to ours geographically.